I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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