i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize