i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am available for nakedness
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
