I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
