i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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