who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
