Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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