Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
