He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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