Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
