Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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