just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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