Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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