k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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