My nipple is on Facebook.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
