I wish i was in the wii world.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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