So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
