We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
