I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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