I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize