my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
