Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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