I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
