Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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