I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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