I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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