apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
