I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
