Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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