I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
