i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
