He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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