i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
