if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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