She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
