Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
