There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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