im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
