I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
