A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
