My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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