he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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