I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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