So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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