What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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