Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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