FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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