There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
