How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
