girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
