umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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