yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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