If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
