She is in my trunk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
