you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
