im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
