In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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