My friends, they love my intelligence
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
