I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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