Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Randomize
