Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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