How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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