I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
