just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
