spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You are the jesus of drinking
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
