my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
