At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
