she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
