Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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