Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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