her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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