we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
