i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
