I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
