She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
