Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
