dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
