i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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