cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
