I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
