A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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