Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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